I am struggling to confront my fears; especially in the area of finance and money management. Why do I struggle so much in this area even if there is nothing horribly wrong? What is it that scares me so much?
I believe that my pride and ego have gotten in my way for much of the past 30 years and instead of giving thanks to what I have been blessed with I have coveted what others have and in the process made myself feel inferior. I also need to come to terms with past failures and regret and put them behind me.
I believe there is a battle of Good and Evil that is raging here on Earth and that the Devil finds chinks in your armor that he can exploit and attack. These are a few of the areas I am vulnerable to that he has used against me.
I am working to clear my mind and body of toxins and have sustained from alcohol for nearly a month. I am eating well and have replaced a meal each day with a blended juice drink that includes various vegetables, fruits, and nuts. I am trying to cut down on caffeine which has proven to be very difficult so more work is needed here. In the past, instead of addressing the things I need to work on my usual pattern has been an ongoing “numbing” through alcohol and other past times that trick me daily into forgetting about the root causes that are keeping me from true happiness and fulfillment.
But over the past year I have gone to bed early and slept well and have done a good job with my exercise program. Removing alcohol, though, has had even more benefit and it has not taken long for me to feel better and sleep even better this past 30 days. I am also staying in the word of the Bible along with fellowship with folks who have similar shortcomings they are trying to address which is keeping me motivated. But will it stick? Even if it does will it help me to address my fears and shortcomings?
So far while I am feeling better I am still procrastinating and continue to not address some core things I need to change immediately. But I am committed to change and feel this is the best course of action. One day at a time trying to take good care of myself and cross one thing off the list. That is the best advice I can give myself.
The Lord’s prayer states “they will be done on earth as it is in Heaven…”. While I have read or stated this countless times it seems to be very simple and direct advice that I have always ignored. It is typical of how I have never fully turned my life over to God but decided which things to keep and which I would give to him.
Unfortunately, not being “all-in” doesn’t work too well. I need to change that in the near future.