Most recovery programs involve some type of process where a person writes down and/or discusses a person’s past history including the details of past transgressions. As I have stated before I have wanted to write a book where I was completely open and honest about all of my past dealings including the sin I have committed and my most embarrassing moments. The list would be long.
While I really want to write this all down and feel I have nothing to hide or be ashamed for (Perhaps Jim Carey in Liar Liar is my inspiration) I have decided to save those intimate details with a friend of mine who is serving as my “sponsor” as I work through the process of examining my past and putting behind me guilt, fear, regret, and other issues that have plagued me the past 20 years. A.A.’s 4th step states:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
I have been somewhat overwhelmed at this step but have come to learn that this is a process that will take some time and will also include the good moments in my life and one that will balance the negatives with the positive attributes I have exhibited. The truth is that the details of my past due not bother me, at least not much, as I know none of us are free of sin. The word “fearless” is not a problem for me as I want to take the time to write about and discuss all of the details, many that I may have nearly forgotten, to help understand why I struggle like I do. The “searching” part, however, is going to take time as I really want to dig into the details going all the way back to my early childhood.
I feel there is much to gain in going through this process and feel it is the key to spiritual growth and in mending relationships. So, without further procrastination I am getting started.